Don't Do What We Did / planning
Don't Invite Everyone You Like
- 7 guys
- This is how we do it
Start with guys who commit, pay, contribute and can handle themselves. Then leave room for one or two characters who create momentum and stories without turning everybody else into their babysitter. The test is not whether somebody is fun, it is whether he helps clean up the mess he made.
This is the system our own crew actually runs, worked out over years of trips rather than tested once.
A dinner invitation is based on who you enjoy for two hours.
A guys-trip invitation is based on who you can share a car, cabin, bathroom, grocery bill, bad weather and three mornings with.
Those are different standards.
Some friends are great one-on-one but disappear in a group. Some never commit. Some show up with no money, no assigned gear and a strong opinion about dinner. Some are perfectly pleasant and leave no evidence they attended.
You do not need to dislike someone to decide he is wrong for the trip.
It is not a friendship ranking. It is casting.
Do not build the safest possible crew
You can invite six dependable, agreeable adults who all clean up after themselves and spend the entire weekend asking what everyone else wants to do.
Nobody starts the game. Nobody orders the ridiculous appetizer. Nobody turns a casual horseshoe match into a blood feud with a trophy.
The weekend runs beautifully.
Nobody remembers it.
The stories usually come from the loud one, the pusher and the guy who escalates the joke one step farther than a reasonable adult would.
You probably do not want four of those guys. You may absolutely want one.
Every group also needs steady people. The guy who pays on time. The guy who knows where the keys are. The guy who gets tools when the boat will not start instead of announcing that the weekend is ruined.
A good crew has ballast and bad ideas.
Every group has one, and the word that matters is “our”
Every group has the friend who is a pain. The useful version of that sentence is that he is our pain.
Ours can be told to knock it off. He pays his share. He makes fun of everyone, including himself. He helps clean up the mess he helped create. When something serious happens, he stops being the bit and becomes useful.
The wrong one makes everybody else manage him.
He starts fights, drives drunk, targets one person all weekend, disappears when the bill arrives or treats property damage like a group expense.
The right one creates stories.
The wrong one creates paperwork.
Use the cleanup test
When the entertaining but questionable guy causes a problem, does he help fix it?
If he knocks over the cooler and grabs towels, he may be a character.
If he knocks over the cooler, laughs and goes to bed, he has assigned himself a staff.
The same applies to jokes. Can he tell when someone is actually pissed? Can he apologize? Can the group correct him without triggering another two hours of drama?
Wild behavior is much less charming when everyone else owns the consequences.
Pick the better story
Sometimes you have seven beds and eight possible guys.
Assuming both choices are trustworthy, can afford it and will contribute, pick the guy who makes the better story.
Pick the guy who starts things. The guy whose presence makes everyone else funnier. The guy who brings something nobody requested and somehow turns it into a tradition.
Do not invite someone from guilt. Do not keep a permanent roster spot for a guy who now cancels late, complains all weekend or treats the organizer like a travel agent.
An invitation is not tenure.
For new guys, use a guest year. See whether he pays, helps, handles the humor and makes an effort with people besides the friend who invited him. The group will know whether to ask him back.
You can make next year’s roster calmer.
You cannot go back and make this year’s story better.
Once you know who is coming, the deposit is what turns interest into a roster.
The GuysAway rule
A good crew has ballast and bad ideas. Keep the guy who makes the trip fun. Stop inviting the one who makes everyone else responsible for him.
Questions people actually ask
How do you choose who to invite on a guys trip?
Start with guys who commit, pay, contribute and can handle themselves, then leave room for one or two characters who create momentum and stories. A dinner invitation is based on who you enjoy for two hours; a trip invitation is based on who you can share a car, cabin, bathroom, grocery bill and three mornings with.
Should you invite the loud guy who causes trouble?
It depends on whether he cleans up. If he knocks over the cooler and grabs towels, he is a character worth having. If he knocks it over, laughs and goes to bed, he has assigned everyone else to be his staff. The right one creates stories; the wrong one creates paperwork.
Is it rude not to invite a friend on a guys trip?
It is casting, not a friendship ranking. Some friends are great one-on-one and disappear in a group. Some never commit, or show up with no money and strong opinions about dinner. You do not need to dislike someone to decide he is wrong for a particular trip.
How do you handle a new guy joining the trip?
Use a guest year. See whether he pays, helps, handles the humor and makes an effort with people besides the friend who invited him. The group will know whether to ask him back without anyone having to make a formal decision.